You're So Vain by Carly Simon  

One of the greatest rewards of developing this Website has been the friendly and supportive messages left in my guestbook by the people who have visited. Along the way I have made some great new friends. I wish I could personally thank each and every person who has left a message or sent an e-mail. I try to answer when I can, but the volume is heavy and the days are short. To all who have sent a note, I sincerely thank you for all the smiles and laughs you have given me. It is your encouragement that has kept this site going and I am indebted to you.

However... occasionally some poor soul comes along who just doesn't "get it." Granted, we are talking about less than one percent, so it isn't too discouraging. While most people will delete rude entries, I prefer to get the last word in. *WEG* Since the guestbook has grown too large for most people to read through, I've collected a few of the real winners (losers?) for your perusal. So, without any further ado, here are the best of the worst.

 Record Number: 8170 Posted: May 6, 2004, 12:03 pm 
Name: simpson
Website: no
Found: useless
E-mail: melita@q-net.net.au
ICQ Number/UIN: not telling
Location: australia
Comments:
wanting to send this message but was no way of sending ....you are pathetic gave no sign to send to anyone ...useless

Guestbook Administrator's Comment:
No way of sending what message? You want to send someone a sign? If you wanted to send a message to me then my e-mail address is on just about every page of this website.

I have a question for you... are you really in Australia? Most of the Aussies I've come in contact with have shown signs of cognitive ability. You on the other hand sound more like someone from, shall we say, the other side of the globe.

Name:
Date:
Your diry whore of a mother
June 21, 2002, 9:03 am
FUCK SHIT PISS LICK MY FUCKING BALLS COCKSUCKAHHH!!! YOUR SITE BLOWS ASS WHY DONT YOU GET ON YOU GODDAMNED KNEES AND SUCKIT BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOCHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT YOU CAN HAVE THE LAST WORD BUT YOUR MOTHER IS STILL A WHORE SUCK ON THAT YOU LITTLE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAACHHHHHHHHH YEAH THATS RIGHT YOUR SITE BLOWS A FUCKING GOATS ASS YOU LITTLE BITCH MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111

Oh, and if you're offended by this, you're gay

Editorial Comment: Are you implying that only gay people are offended by total imbeciles? Speaking on behalf of straight people everywhere, we too are offended by your demonstration of moronic babbling. I believe this would be true of anyone with an IQ above yours, which is to say anything in the double digit or higher range.

Sometimes I can't help but to wonder about people like this. You can find them anywhere... posting in guestbooks and forums, in chatrooms, on ICQ... what is their motivation? Or could it just be a lack of motivation to do anything constructive? Are they so bored with their own pitiful lives that they have nothing better to do than pester other people? What do they do all day to fill their miserable existence? Let's take a look into little Johnny's morning on the day he found my website (I'm assuming the above poster is a male and that it's highly unlikely the message was written by my mother *g*).

6:00 am: Wakes-up and tells parents that he is too sick to go to school. Since he inherited his IQ from them they believe him.
6:05 am: Changes out of wet pajamas and puts on SkAtEr DuDe t-shirt and pants.
6:10 am: Eats candy bar for breakfast, then slips out to garage for a quick smoke.
6:30 am: Logs on to AOL and checks e-mail... thinks a Nigerian banker wants to make him rich, sends dad's bank account number (so much for the college tuition fund, but then it probably would have been wasted anyway).
7:00 am: Uses a stolen password to log into a porn website and take care of hormonal urges.
7:01 am: Cleans keyboard and mouse.
7:05 am: Logs into ICQ and forwards messages to everyone on his contact list.
7:20 am: Gets a new UIN when he finally figures out that everyone has his old number on their Ignore Lists.
7:25 am: Enters a random chat.
7:27 am: Gets booted from a random chat.
7:30 am: Visits his favorite HaXoR website and downloads the latest warez.
8:00 am: Runs new ICQ hacking program and unknowingly infects his computer with a trojan backdoor.
8:05 am: Gives up trying to figure out new program since it is too complicated (ie. has more than one button to click on).
8:10 am: Logs on to IRC.
8:15 am: Is recognized by IRC moderator and is immediately kicked and banned.
8:20 am: Decides to make the kOOlEsT wEbSiTe on the net and gets a Geocities account.
8:30 am: Gives-up on website because it might require him to think for the first time in his life.
8:35 am: Gets in another ICQ chat and tries to cyber with an 82 year old grandmother... is quickly booted.
8:38 am: Sends an e-mail to all his school buddies boasting about the "hot babe" he "did" on ICQ.
8:40 am: Run pirated Skateboard game.
8:41 am: Computer crashes, needs to reboot.
8:50 am: Gets an irate ICQ message telling him to stop forwarding stupid rumors and to visit the ICQ Lies website.
8:55 am: Reads about ten words on the first page and is too clueless to understand what the site is about.
9:03 am: Leaves a message in guestbook using all the words he can spell... thinks he is sooooo cool.
9:05 am: Finds an article on over-clocking computers, takes case off his Dell and decides to give it a try.
9:10 am: Didn't bother to fully read instructions, leaves power supply plugged-in and is electrocuted.
9:55 am: Found dead in room by his mother... later receives a Darwin Award.

Okay... so I indulged in a little wishful thinking. But hey, it could have happened.
Name:
Date:
jon   Email: idonthinkso@eatshit.com
Sun 22 Oct 2000 - 04:37:47pm
•    man, i just stumbled across your site. I am amazed somebody would take time and effort to make this page. You could be doing something constructive instead of making a totally useless website. You're in idiot if you believe any of those icq messages so why make a site commenting on how stupid each one is? Sorry to rip on ya like this but I was just really surprised to see this site.
later,
-jon

Editorial Comment: No problemo, jon, I'll explain it to you. This site isn't really about ICQ messages at all, it's a study on clueless guestbook posts. Like you, I'm also amazed that someone would take the time and effort to post a useless nastygram rather than doing something constructive. Why leave a message commenting on how stupid a website is? Interesting theory you have there about being "in" an idiot, must be awfully uncomfortable for the poor idiot.

Take care jon, hope to talk to you later... waaaaaaaay later. And try not to stumble too much... you may fall into an idiot.
Another from e-mail, this time after sending out an update newsletter...

From: "Volos" <volos@mindspring.com>
To: <webmaster@diamond-back.com>
Subject: Re: The ICQ Lies Update Newsletter - March 2000
Date: Thu, 16 Mar 2000 05:36:22 GMT

If you ever send me this kind of crap again, or any other e-mail, you will truly know the meaning of the term SPAM - down to the marrow of your bones.

Editorial Comment: No problem, Cluelos, I wouldn't think of sending you another e-mail when you so richly deserve a place of (dis)honor on the Last Word page. I wish I knew what your definition of "spam" was, the only way to get on my mailing list is to add yourself to it and then reply to the confirmation e-mail. And if you had bothered to read the newsletter (I'm assuming you can read, whether you can comprehend is another matter), you would have noticed that it doesn't attempt to sell anything... no money making schemes, no "free" offers, nothing except news about updates to the ICQ Lies section which is exactly what you subscribed to. It's just as easy to remove yourself from the list, you could have sent an "unsubscribe" e-mail to the list, visited the subscription page or simply wrote to me and said "I would like to be removed from your mailing list." I certainly didn't add you to the list, but removing you was a pleasure.

Volos is a good example of why some webmasters won't bother to try to run a legitimate announcement list. No matter how far you go to keep the list clean, using confirmation e-mails to prevent unauthorized subscriptions, multiple ways to easily be removed from the list, clearly identifying where it came from and being careful to never to include any form of advertising, there will still be the occasional Volos with nothing better to do than send threatening e-mails because he is unclear on the concept. I detest spammers, that's why there are safeguards in place to keep the list clean and secure. Unfortunately, all the mailing list manager software can do is verify requests and detect invalid e-mail address, I would be willing to pay anything for software that could detect MORONS and block them from subscribing.
Sometimes I just have to post an e-mail along with the guestbook messages...

From: "Joel" <address kindly witheld>
To: <webmaster@diamond-back.com>
Subject: Good site...
Date: Tue, 1 Feb 2000 20:02:47 +1100

Hey ur sites a good cause but ya gotta admit.......you sound like a total dork in some of ur comments for those forwards. Since u tried out most of these things...such as "the sept 22 scare" u actually turned on your icq (might not have been because of the forward) to test it (if ya didn't why'd u put it on ur site??) but the weird thing is that you put it on the site....

PLEASE DON'T REPLY
PS: DON'T GET MAD MAN IT'S THE TRUTH!!!

Editorial Comment: I wonder if this counts as a reply? Well, either way, the e-mail started off nice enough, but kind of took a turn for the worse after the first sentence (if you can call it that). Joel, thank u for ur keen observations and yes, I gotta admit what a total dork I sound like. I was hoping someone would come along and point this out to me, maybe even teach me how to sound less dorky. I've studied your... *ahem* I mean studied ur msg and the key seems to be replacing "you" and "your" with "u" and "ur" every other time they are used. I think I've got it now, thanks to ur help. To answer your... damn, slipped again... to answer ur question, I actually turn my ICQ on every day, regardless of whether some silly rumor warns me not to, it wasn't really a "test." I guess I'm still too dorky to see what's weird about that. NEway, c u l8er dude (was that better?).
Name:
From:
Date:
Jess   Email: joydrop@home.com  ICQ#: 44746218
Nanaimo, BC Canada
Mon 3 Jan 2000 - 03:40:24am
•    Interesting site, the friendship page started off as cute but then degraded to pathetic...sorry dude, but at the length and extent that you dragged it to, it lost all the humor it held in the first couple paragraphs. You seem...very condescending. Do you look down on everyone who uses ICQ except yourself? I think that many people are intelligent enough to figure out that the ICQ rumors aren't true...and if they're not, if they're new to the system, you could at least take it easy on them and not speak down to them like Zeus to Greek peons...but all in all, decent.

Editorial Comment: Why thank you, Jess, I really appreciate your constructive feedback. You're absolutely right, 13 whole paragraphs on the Friendship page was way too much. Just think, if Leo Tolstoy had a helpful reviewer such as yourself back in 1868, War and Peace would have been a one page short story. Please pardon me for going over two paragraphs, it must have been the caffeine buzz. Oops... I'm being condescending again, aren't I? I just can't seem to help myself, some of those ICQ rumors are so far fetched that I would think even a newbie would look at them and think "no way!" It's really not the peons... er... people that I'm putting down, it's the geniuses who write the rumors that I aim my sharp tongue at. I thought that a little bitting sarcasm would help make my point, but thanks to your helpful advice I see that I need to turn this into a feel-good site. Can I ever thank you enough? I promise not to beat-up on the newbies anymore... even if they do fall for the most incredibly ridiculous BS ever to be spread over a mass communications medium. Oh damn, I just did it again, didn't I?
Name: mother fucking Diamondback hater
Website: guess
Referred by: Lover screamed out URL during sex.
From: Earth
Time: 1999-07-08 18:39:12
Comments: utter bollox

Editorial Comment: Bollox? Let's see... BOLLOX - from bollocks, noun, meaning "testicles." Hmmm... I've had my writing called a lot of things, but this is the first time its been compared to that part of the anatomy. I also see that in common usage it means "rubbish, codswallop, a statement of dubious integrity." Yeah, okay... whatever. I couldn't help but notice the URL left for your website is "my.dick.is.larger.than.yours.com." So basically you are saying I have balls and you're a big dick... I'll go along with that.
Name: jesus
Website:
Referred by: Just woke-up and found myself here.
From:
Time: 1999-03-28 18:02:45
Comments: turn off the fucking music!

Editorial Comment: I must say, I was a bit shocked to hear Jesus using such foul language. And as the King of Kings, I would have thought you could turn the music off yourself, especially since I provide a small MIDI control panel right under the title graphic, even folks without god-like powers are capable of clicking that. For mortals who don't wish to hear MIDIs played while surfing the web, there are two possible solutions:

1. Write a nasty message to every webmaster with a MIDI on their site demanding that they remove it. Since there are probably millions of such sites, I suggest you start immediately and write to at least 25,000 a day.

2. Go to the Windows Volume Control panel and drag the MIDI volume slider all the way down. You'll still be able to listen to wav files or your favorite CDs while you surf, you just won't hear any MIDIs.
I usually don't bother to answer e-mail flames, but this one was too good to pass up...

From: "Bill Cass" <ll1@home.net>
To: <diamondback@mindspring.com>
Subject: you are an asshole for sending that virus link     fuck you
Date: Thu, 26 Nov 1998 22:41:03 -0800

Editorial Comment: That is all the message said. So I wrote back to ask Bill what link he was referring to and got this reply...

From: "Bill Cass" <ll1@home.net>
To: "DiamondBack" <diamondback@mindspring.com>
Subject: Re: you are an asshole for sending that virus link     fuck you
Date: Fri, 27 Nov 1998 18:56:35 -0800

http://diamond-back.com/icqlies.html
Are you saying you didn't have a part in this link where it talks about the following:

UPDATE: One of the "pirated" copies of ICQ99a being passed around is confirmed to have been infected with the difficult to detect W95.CIH virus. Note that not only do many virus scanners miss this virus, but they can actually become infected with it and spread it to every file they check. If you are not a beta tester for Mirabilis and are running a pirated copy of ICQ99a, you may want to download KILL_CIH and check for an infection. I also have little doubt that Back Orifice (BO) has probably found a home in some copies. Try BoDetect to rid yourself of that little nuisance. I can't blame anyone for wanting to take a preview of how the eventual ICQ99 program will work, it does have some cool new features like looooong message lengths. But it doesn't seem worth the risk to run a bug infested pirated copy when the "working" release version will probably be available from trustworthy sources by the time 1999 is here. So you can either wait... or tempt fate. Backed-up your hard drive lately? *g*

I went to that web page and downloaded the virus protection which turned out to be the virus itself. It devestated my system and I was quite angry for the dirty trick. Just take a look for yourself and see what I'm talking about

Editorial Comment: Oh! That link! The one to the KILL_CIH program offered by Symantec. The program that "devestated" your system, Bill? The same program that a few dozen other people have thanked me for after it detected W95.CIH (without devastating either their system or ability to spell). That seems pretty odd, maybe I should try to find out a little more about you. Ah, I see you have a web page where you say you're a courier for FedEx who likes to "work on computers (mostly friends)." You mean they let you? Even after falling for my "dirty trick" and devasting your own system?

Okay Mr. Cass (rhymes with... *g*), you got me, I'll confess. I convinced a multimillion dollar software company to risk getting sued so we could play a dirty trick on you (and you alone, no one else was "devestated"). I started all the rumors on ICQ and then created this website just to lure you in. In fact, the entire Internet was in on the dirty trick... DARPA created it just for you and millions of people have been pretending to use it so we could trick you into downloading a virus. It was a lot of work but you are just so special that we had to do it. On behalf of myself, Symantec, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency and the millions of people on the net, we are truly sorry for angering you and promise never to do it again.
Name: kRiS
Website: Microtoft Corporation Home Page
Referred by: Had the URL forwarded from ICQ.
From:
Time: 1998-10-15 09:07:58
Comments: Hello, I don't get! you made this webpage so it would stop the icq flooding of icq chain letters, right? Well, I think your weird. You're the one who's sending ICQ messages to people about your web site. So I think your just as stupid as all the other ICQ flooders!

Editorial Comment: Hello kRiS, how did you catch on to me? You're right, that's all I do all day is send messages to people about my site. Yesterday I got up an hour early just so I would have time to write to all 20 million ICQ accounts... I see you got my note. You want to know what I'm going to do today? I'm going to write a personal e-mail to everyone on the net letting them know how clever you are. But I won't send one to you because, as you so eloquently pointed out, you don't get (it).
Name: Jade
Website:
Referred by: Had the URL forwarded from ICQ.
From:
Time: 1998-10-10 11:44:25
Comments: Speaking of receiving the same URL 15 or 20 times.... That is how many times I have received this one...and, I am really SICK of it.....

Editorial Comment: I'm so sorry to hear that, Jade. Okay everybody, listen up. Jade is really SICK. *ahem* I mean she is really SICK of receiving my URLs so please don't send them to her. I'm not sure which Jade we are not supposed to be sending URLs to, so just stop sending them to anyone named Jade... especially if she is really SICK.

P.S. I hope you get well soon, Jade.
J
Name: Jade
Website:
Referred by: Had the URL forwarded from ICQ.
From:
Time: 1998-10-25 09:25:46
Comments: This is Jade again!!....I figured since I was sent your web page ONCE again I would leave another comment....I figured "Why is it fair that you should get the Last word?" All I have to say is, you are defenitely a man who can't take constructive criticism. Why do you get so angry? Maybe you need to get laid, and you won't feel so uptight...:)

Editorial Comment: It's so nice to see you again, Jade... but we really have to stop meeting like this. The reason it is fair for me to get the last word probably has something to do with the name on the guestbook (hint: it isn't "Jade"). As for the "constructive criticism," so far all I've heard from you is unconstructive complaining. Has it occurred to you that the person you should be talking to is the one who forwards the URL as opposed to the person who maintains the site? What would you like me do, tell everyone to keep the site a big secret? I can't imagine why someone would keep sending you the same URL, unless perhaps you've been sending them false rumors and they are trying to give you a clue. BTW sweetheart, I may be amused and abused, but I rarely get angry. And thank you so much for the concern over my sex life, I'll be sure to put "get laid" on my to-do list for today.
Name: TJ
Website:
Referred by: Just woke-up and found myself here.
From:
Time: 1998-10-26 08:35:15
Comments: This site sucks and so do you....This is just as bad as those friendship URL's....you are just some stupid ass who couldn't think of a decent web page so you lamed out... Get a life

Editorial Comment: TJ, eh? Don't you mean "Jade?" That's who this message traced back to. Jade, while your stupidity was mildly amusing at first, you have become a bore and three nastygrams in my guestbook is your quota. If you don't enjoy reading my site perhaps you would like to read this paragraph from your ISP:

Harassment: Badgering, bothering, taunting or other offensive behavior towards another user either through email, IRCgroups, Usenet or other electronic means. This activity may border on criminality depending upon circumstances and could result in the immediate termination of a customer's user privileges.

I'll make a deal with you, I'll get a life if you get a clue. But if you insist on being obnoxious, your next post will be forwarded to abuse@ptd.net.
Name: Yeah right
Website:
Referred by: From DiamondBack.
From:
Time: 1998-10-11 02:41:52
Comments: just thought that since you randomed me and for no reason told me to "piss off" that i should check out your webpage and see if you looked like the ass hole you sound like. after all you randomed me....i didn't random you...and last time i checked in america we had a thing called freedom of speech...no one told you to read my random. have a good day

Editorial Comment: So after looking at my "webpage" you have come to the certain conclusion that I have nothing better to do than tell random people to "piss off?" I was just wondering, if the next person to "random" you has the name "Queen Elizabeth" are you going to assume it is really her and send a nasty letter to Buckingham Palace? What if the name is Napoleon Bonaparte? Who are you going to flame then? You know, if you had actually checked out my site you might have come away with a clue instead of making an ass out of yourself. On ICQ you can be anyone you want to be, either by starting a fake account with someone else's info or using spoofing software. Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to jump to conclusions... last time I checked we had something else in America called "innocent until proven guilty."

Just for the record: I never random chat with anyone, I hardly have time to chat with the people I already know. So if you get a message or request from "DiamondBack" don't assume it is me unless it is a response to a message you sent.

Only In America: I've noticed a disturbing pattern in some of the guestbook and e-mail flames. Many of these nuts like to wrap themselves in the flag. If they display the same clueless and rude behavior all the time then I can see why so many people hold Americans in such low regard. So to the rest of the world I would just like to say that these self-proclaimed patriots do not speak on behalf of most Americans. Personally, I don't think that by virtue of being born in the United States I am somehow superior to everyone else. I am justifiably proud of many of America's accomplishments and likewise saddened by some of our shortcomings. Please don't judge all of us based on those who will wave Old Glory in your face, they are in the minority and a source of embarrassment to the rest of us.

Unfinished Business: Hey "Yeah right"... you have a good day, too... and piss off.
Name: DA JYNX
Website:
Referred by: Lover screamed out URL during sex.
From: FUCKYOU
Time: 1998-08-15 00:33:25
Comments: YOUR PAGE I S FUCKING RETARDED SOME FRIEND SEND MY YOUR URL I GO HERE AND SEE NOTHING BUT GAY BULLSHIT. YOU GOTS TO BE A D UMB MOTHERFUCKER TO BELIVE ANY OF THAT SHIT ABOUT VIRUSES IN PORN AND ANY OF THAT OTHER SHIT. YOU MUST BE A FUCKING LOSER TO WASTE YOUR TIME MAKING SUCH A STUPID ASS PAGE OH YEAH IF YOU WANNA CONTACT ME I ALREADY ADDED YOU TO MY LIST SO JUST LOOK FOR THE NOTICE

Editorial Comment: If I wanna contact you? For more of your stimulating conversation? No thanks, I'll pass. By the way, your "notice" never came through, I kind of feel sorry for the poor ICQer that does get it. Anyway, so you saw "nothing but gay bullshit" on my page? Are you sure that wasn't just your reflection in the monitor? I could post some pictures of my sexy girlfriend for you, but I know what little boys like you do when they see a real woman. You'll just have to stick with your porn, junior. But you might want to clean your keyboard when you're done, it looks like your shift key is already stuck (yuck!). On second thought, just tell your mommy to buy you a new one.
Name: Peter
Website:
Referred by: Just woke-up and found myself here.
From:
Time: 1998-08-04 01:14:10
Comments: I thought your homepage was shit!!!!! Boring, pretty pathetic and all in all full of shit! It just goes to show who has a busy life then hay! I sugest you find something better to do with your unfufiled, life you boring heap of crud.

Editorial Comment: Yo Pete baby, ya didn't leave your homepage URL, now how am I supposed to see your magnificent contribution to the Web? Maybe I could do a search for it, I'll use the key words "sugest" and "unfufiled"... that should narrow it down. What's the deal with these flamers anyway? Did they all get kicked out of the third grade for being obnoxious during spelling class? And why is it that people with nothing better to do than leave nasty messages in guestbooks are always giving advice on how to live?
Name: sonofamidget-77
Website:
Referred by: Just woke-up and found myself here.
From:
Time: 1998-07-08 03:57:09
Comments: Fuck you for sending this gay ass icq message to me. I did not like it in the least, and if you send me one again i will personally hunt you down and cut your balls off you sassy little fagot. thank you, sonofamidget

Editorial Comment: How are you going to hunt me down if you can't even figure out that I never sent you any "gay ass icq message?" Here's a clue for you: if you don't see my name on your contact list then it is someone else who wants to swap spit with you in the shower. As for my balls, I guess you could use some seeing as how you were too much of a wimp to leave an e-mail addy. You know, I get the feeling you are one of those short attention span people who never read past the first paragraph and missed the point of the page. Now if I could just figure out what the heck you are thanking me for.
Name: one pissed off person
Website:
Referred by: Linked from another site.
From: Sweet Home Oregon
Time: 1998-06-22 20:26:20
Comments: I don't care for what this does, I don't care for how it does it. I am especially upset it grabs my screen and automatically goes to mirabilis.com. Before I proceed so far as to (even) burn the damn CPU, I INSIST this feature be terminated. That you are part of AOL, I have no interest in pursuing any further aspects of your product. REMOVE ME AT ONCE, and tell me how to eradicate you from my hard drive.

E-mail Responce:

Dear "one pissed off person,"

Let's start with the standard disclaimer. I don't work for Mirabilis (or AOL for that matter). I'm just one of the millions of people who use their excellent program because, having tried half a dozen others, it is by far the best. And seeing as how AOL isn't planning to change it or charge for it, I'll be continuing to use it for many years to come, along with just about everyone else eventually. I can hardly wait for the next major version to be released, because it is going to be pretty kick ass from what I've been hearing, now that Mirabilis can finally afford the development costs. But none of this really concerns you because you don't want to be a part of what will become the largest, most well connected community on the planet.
Now, on to your post in my guestbook:

"I don't care for what this does, I don't care for how it does it."

And I haven't a clue what you are talking about and I don't care either.


"I am especially upset it grabs my screen and automatically goes to mirabilis.com."

Ever consider turning that feature off? Most people do about five minutes after they first run the program. Simply go to the ICQ Menu, Preferences, then Connection and uncheck the box next to "Launch Default Web Browser When Connection Is Detected." There, was that so difficult?


"Before I proceed so far as to (even) burn the damn CPU, I INSIST this feature be terminated."

You insist? Even if I could terminate that feature (which unchecking the box pretty much does anyway), why would you insist on it being removed if you are not going to be using ICQ anyway? BTW, if you want to burn the damn CPU, just remove the fan. Though iron filings in your power supply would be much quicker and easier.


"That you are part of AOL, I have no interest in pursuing any further aspects of your product."

Suit yourself. Just because AOL is now involved with Mirabilis doesn't make ICQ a bad product. It is still the best, and as I mentioned before, will be getting better. All 70 of the people who run ICQ's day-to-day operations will be staying with the company, which will still be located in Israel, not Virginia. Oh well, no big deal. Something tells me they are going to get along just fine with a few less confused malcontents like yourself. *smile*


"REMOVE ME AT ONCE, and tell me how to eradicate you from my hard drive."

Remove yourself, I'm not in your hard drive and I don't take orders from anyone who isn't paying me the standard $35/hr I command. On second thought, I'll be doing the whole ICQ community a big favor by getting you the hell off ICQ, so I'll give you free tech support. But just so you understand, it is for the millions of very cool people in the ICQ community that I'm doing this, not for you.

Step 1. Get your name out of the ICQ database so no one will ever know you were one of us. To do this, first make sure you are in Advanced Mode. Then click on "Add/Change Current User" and select "Unregister Existing User" at the bottom of the list. Answer any of the confirmation screens and then you will be eradicated from ICQ. (Yea!)

Step 2. Removing Mirabilis's excellent software from your computer. First shut ICQ down. Then click your Start button, go to Settings and select Control Panel. Double click on "Add/Remove Programs." Scroll down the list to "Mirabilis ICQ" and select it, then click the "Add/Remove" button. Answer "yes" wherever it asks for confirmation that you wish to remove files associated with ICQ. Congratulations, not only have you removed ICQ from your system, but you have effectively isolated yourself from millions of people.

Step 3. Promise that no matter how good the future versions of ICQ get, and no matter how nearly impossible it becomes to stay in contact with people because you don't have ICQ... PROMISE you will never download and install it again. Okay? I didn't go through all this trouble to remove your ungrateful ass from the ICQ community just to have you come slithering back.

BTW, I think I'll post this on my website, I'm sure a lot of ICQers will get a good laugh at your naivety. Since you posted privately, I'll be kind and not include your e-mail address.

Have a nice life without ICQ, if that is possible. And on behalf of the millions of people who will continue to use ICQ... WE THANK YOU FOR LEAVING.

--DiamondBack
Name: punkin
Website:
Referred by: Had the URL forwarded from ICQ.
From:
Time: 1998-04-18 13:56:46
Comments: that was so pathetic, i cant believe someone sent that to me let alone some moron wrote it. what kind of hippocrate would concieve of putting down people on his icq list for sending him things and so makes a silly page so everyone can forward it around. you picked your icq friends..get rid of them if they have nothing to say to u dummy! let me tell ya buddy, if you have people on your list who send you pointless, loveless urls, u can always communicate with them, perhaps send them a message, instead of hiding behind a web page...all in all a good laugh reading it, that this actually happened..

Editorial Comment: Gee Punkin, does this mean you're not my best friend in the whole world? *g* Okay, now let me see if I have this straight. You think the page is "pathetic" and that I'm a "moron," but then you had "a good laugh reading it"? Hmmmm... makes me contemplate the meaning of your word "hippocrate" (is that a box of hippos or did you mean "hypocrite?"). Well it seems like you almost "got it," better luck next time. Fortunately, all the wonderful friends on my ICQ list know a joke when they read one. I tell ya, buddy, they are the best group of friends I could ever ask for and I would never put them down, they are precious to me. One question though, how do you hide behind a web page that includes an e-mail address and a link to a guestbook? BTW, I noticed you didn't include your e-mail address... back to contemplating that "hippocrate" word again. *g*
Name: me
Website:
Referred by: Had the URL forwarded from ICQ.
From:
Time: 1998-04-14 12:38:38
Comments: You don't know me and i'm your best friend? Well, fuck you

Editorial Comment: Of course I don't know you, why would I want to? All my friends possess something you sorely lack... the ability to recognize humor when they see it. Have a nice day. ;-)
Name: ^pre
Website:
Referred by: Had the URL forwarded from ICQ.
From:
Time: 1998-04-14 10:16:21
Comments: I think this one wins for the "Cruel URL of the day....Do u think people are that shallow.... I do NOT andfind no humor in it.....

Editorial Comment: Why thank you! I've never won any awards, but "Cruel URL of the Day" would rock. Do I get to display a graphic? In answer to your question, no, I don't think most people are shallow. However, as evidenced by your message, I do think some people couldn't recognize humor even if it bit them in the butt. Are you sure you looked hard enough? I could swear those are teeth marks I see on your rear end.
Name: wouldn't you like to know?
Website:
Referred by: Just woke-up and found myself here.
From:
Time: 1998-04-13 21:52:25
Comments: what a moron, get a life.

Editorial Comment: You mean like yours? No thank you, I would rather create web sites than leave anonymous messages in guestbooks... that isn't my idea of a life.
Name: BRyan
Website: BRyan From New Orleans
Referred by: Linked from another site.
From: New Orleans, as if anyone can't tell who know's !
Time: 1998-03-11 20:39:21
Comments: At first I was interested in what the rumours were, until... Are you ok? Do you have a mental disorder, I do not like your attitude or how you talk about other people you don't know. You obviously are very bored with ICQ to talk about people the way you do, I don't know what level of education you have, but you need more, and READ THE GOOD BOOK, you may learn how to treat people you do not know... I shall not judge book by it's cover, but a book by it's contents, Not what your mentally self has to say about anything. And before you judge correct American English, SPEAK IT.! And one other thing you overlooked, did you know every piece of e-mail is tagged and several bytes of data is sent to the Federal Government? Did you also know that when you receive a virus infected letter all you need to do is forward it to the FBI? Writing a virus carries severe penalty's today, I'd rather see them fry in a couple years, then talk all that non-sense you do.

Editorial Comment: See what I have to put up with? Every nut on ICQ finds this site eventually. BTW, I strongly suggest you DON'T send viruses to the FBI.

Additional Comment: I have to give "BRyanino" credit for one thing, at least he left a working e-mail and homepage URL (sorry BRy, I took the URL out). While I never bothered to contact the fine gentleman, my "mentally self" just had to see what this GOOD BOOK waving patriot had posted on the Web. Scriptural notes perhaps? Not exactly. What I found were sexually suggestive notes to his cyber girlfriends on the same page he posted pictures of his wife and kid. Pretty tacky, to say the least. But what would you expect from someone under the delusion that the "Federal Government" is tagging "every piece of e-mail?" That would require either every ISP in the world or every e-mail client developer to be involved in a massive conspiracy. Uncle Sam may be able to sniff packets passing through parts of the Internet backbone, but the net is too decentralized to get 'em all. But I digress. Hey BRy, read your book again, it says "Thou shall not commit adultery." I think you missed a word there, bud.
Name: Stan
Website:
Referred by: Just woke-up and found myself here.
From:
Time: 1998-02-20 05:57:28
Comments: Your an ass

Editorial Comment: Not quite, "Stan." I'm a smartass, but it takes a real ass to leave an anonymous message like yours.
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