You are entering a HEAVY SARCASM ZONE. Please wear your sense of humor.



I just wanted... no, had to tell you how much you mean to me. I don't know what I would do without a great friend like you. You are the number one best buddy I have ever had. Without you my pathetic life would not be worth living. I would climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest sea, walk across the hottest desert just to tell you how incredibly special your friendship is to me.

*smiles*

*huggers*

*snuggles*

*kissy-kissy*

In fact, I would do anything for you, my best friend in the whole world... except write you an actual message. You see, I love everyone on my ICQ list, they are all my best friends and I forwarded this URL to every one of them. Doesn't that make you feel soooo special? There is even a 50/50 chance that I never bothered to visit this page before I forwarded it to you. I forward everything that is sent to me. I'm a compulsive forwarder... I can't help it. The moment I see the word "forward" in a message I immediately send it to everyone. It has become an obsession. I don't have time to write a real message from my heart because I'm too busy forwarding every URL that comes my way. And I won't stop until I've sent you the URL to every page on the entire World Wide Web. Then I'll send them all again. In the same day.

There is another person on my ICQ list who is just like me. All day and night we just keep sending the same URLs back and forth... we are stuck in an endless loop of mindless forwarding.

You know, now that I stopped to think about it for a second, maybe you are not my best friend in the whole world. You could be some total stranger I met one time in a chatroom and added to my contact list. What was your name again? I haven't heard from you since that night six months ago, you could be dead for all I know. Now that I have all 10 million ICQ users on my contact list, I really can't keep up with everyone, so I just send URLs telling them how much I love I feel for each and everyone of them.

Aren't these Friendship Pages wonderful? I don't even have to think for myself, someone else does it all for me. It is even better than a Hallmark card, I would have had to spend a few bucks and sign one of those. But forwarding a URL to everyone requires no thought and almost no effort. Sure beats writing a personal message to you. Then you might respond and I would have to type another message back. Before you know it, we could find ourselves communicating, and that would cut into all the time I spend forwarding impersonal messages.

*Rib-bit* Opps, hold on a moment, I just got another URL sent to me... I'll forward it to everyone now and then bookmark it so I can go back later to see what was there. Now, getting back to you...

I can't risk having an actual conversation with you because I might find out that you are not my best friend in the whole world, and then it might not feel right to send you URLs proclaiming my undying (though superficial) love for you. Naaa... just kidding, I would send them to you anyway because I suffer from CFD (Compulsive Forwarding Disorder).

*Uh oh!* Oh look! Someone just sent me that cute ASCII teddy bear again! I have no idea who the sender is, I don't ever remember when they were added to my list. But they said that I'm a Special Friend™ so maybe we knew each other in a past life or something. I better forward it to everyone on my list. I know that I've already sent this one to everybody 24 times, but just in case someone missed it or forgot how much I love them, I'll send it again and again and again! I haven't had this much fun since my failed frontal lobotomy.

*Uh oh!* Another ICQ coming in!!! Hey, wait a minute! This one says Mirabilis is going to start charging for ICQ and I can vote against it by forwarding it to everyone. Even says it is "not a lie." Now I may be a complete sucker for every hug 'n' kiss-a-thon, but I'm not going to fall for that old trick again. No way, not me. Instead I'll send back the URL for the ICQ Lies page at http://diamond-back.com/icqlies.html and tell them to get a clue. That page really cracks me up, I wish more people would read it.

Well, even though you are my best friend in the whole world, I have to be going now. Maybe someday we will chat again and I can find out who you really are (don't count on it). Take care. C'yaz. Nighty-night. Bub-bye. Have a good one. Sign my guestbook. TTFN! Luv u! *kiss* (((hugz)))

*** The preceding message was intended as satire. ***

The author of this page (DiamondBack) doesn't really mind getting an occasional URL forwarded from his friends on ICQ. Some of them are even pretty cute (the URLs, not the friends... well okay, some of the friends are cute, too *g*). But lately I've been getting the same URLs forwarded to me 15 to 20 times a day. If it is a well made page that someone put real effort into, then please share it. Even if I've seen it before that is okay, you had no way of knowing. But if I hardly know you and get sent to a page saying you are my best friend in the whole world, well... it doesn't make me feel very special knowing that you just sent it to every person you know. And if I do know you well and you really like me, then write a little note saying so and it will mean much more than a pre-written site or message. Trust me on this one, I'm not so starved for affection that I need dozens of messages everytime I open ICQ expressing undying love and devotion. A simple "hello" will do. In the time it takes to run my browser and load a page, we could have exchanged a few messages... and isn't that what real friendships are about?

For those of you who don't know me but enjoyed reading this page, click on over to my ICQ Lies Page at http://diamond-back.com/icqlies.html. While I don't have a big problem with friendship messages, I seriously dislike all the false rumors being passed around on and about ICQ and have saved my most venomous sarcasm for refuting them (it has sorta become a hobby). You can learn the truth about the rumors you may have received concerning Mirabilis' plans to charge, virus warnings and evil hackers... and you just might get a few laughs along the way.

Last, but not least... FORWARD THIS URL TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST SO ONE OF MY PAGES CAN GET A MILLION HITS. At least I put some effort into them instead of posting a bunch of mushy prose and stolen graphics in a lame attempt to rack up hits. C'mon, please? I'll be your best friend in the whole world if you do... hee hee.

Addendum: Well, it took ten years but the page actually got a million hits. I guess that means I have a million best friends... Christmas shoping is going to take forever.

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Background MIDI: Love's Theme - Love Unlimited Orchestra


This page was the proud recipient of the
Too CRUEL SITE OF THE DAY Cool
honor for October 22, 1999.

My Best Friend Copyright ©1998
Thomas Robert Pasawicz aka DiamondBack
All Rights Reserved
http://diamond-back.com